8/11/2023 0 Comments Im sorry im not perfectIf you hurt one of your parents, acknowledge it,” she says, recommending an apology that centers on both regret and a request for forgiveness. “But that doesn’t mean your offenses should be brushed off. “Your parents know that you’re not perfect and they’re well aware of your not-so-great qualities,” adds Morin. People are looking for recognition, not the reason you let them down. In order to do this, she recommends incorporating all five apology languages and biting your tongue to avoid making any sort of explanation or excuse. “I think people make the mistake of making excuses when they’re apologizing to their parents, and I think they need to make the apology and let it stand on its own,” she says. People make three common excuses when they’re apologizing to people: they blame, they excuse and they deny what they’ve done, according to Thomas’s research. Get the latest career, relationship and wellness advice to enrich your life: sign up for TIME’s Living newsletter. Her advice also mirrors Morin’s by suggesting you go with apology language number three on her list - making amends - in order to truly aim to make up for a wrongdoing with a friend. “Your commitment to the friendship is a good thing to reiterate at the beginning or the end of the apology,” says Thomas. “While you can’t undo what you did wrong, you can offer to do something that shows you value the relationship and you’re invested in doing whatever you can to make it work.”Ī friend wants to know you’re dedicated to preserving the friendship too. “When apologizing to a friend, it may be appropriate to offer to repair your wrongdoing,” says Morin who suggests offering to take your co-worker to lunch after that missed coffee date. Stick to ‘I messages’ like, ‘I really let my emotions get the better of me,’ as you take responsibility for your actions.” Apologizing to a friend: “Don’t blame the boss, the company, or your other team members for your behavior. “Resist the urge to bring anyone else into the situation when you’re apologizing to a co-worker,” adds Morin. Keep it between the two of you, Morin says. In order to get this across in your apology, she recommends combining the two most popular apology languages: 40 % of people most want to hear us say ‘I was wrong,’ while the other 40 % of people most want to hear us say ‘I’m sorry.’ By combining the two, you may guarantee that you’ve crafted an apology that 80 % of people will feel connected to. “I think a key word with coworkers is trust,” Thomas says, emphasizing they need to know you won’t hurt their reputation. The future matters when it comes to a peer you work with too, but the approach should be different. Thomas says this lets them know you’re thinking about your future together. In order to do this, Thomas recommends incorporating her fourth apology language - declaration of repentance - by specifically outlining how things are going to be different moving forward. “If it’s a romantic partner, something that’s really important is your commitment,” she says. Thomas also says that you need to make your devotion to your partner clear. That means never placing any blame on the other person or say things like, ‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’ Instead, say, ‘I’m sorry I raised my voice,’ to show that you take full ownership for your actions.” “So it’s important to express your regret and request forgiveness. “Staying connected emotionally is key to maintaining a healthy relationship,” says Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.
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